he mainly looks like this - when I talk he looks like this with his head cocked
Tuesday, September 30
Sunday, September 28
Stabby and Shooty
Where I'm staying there's a massive school a few metres up the road, I ask a couple who live nearby if it's any good
The man says
I think so ... but I hear it's a bit shooty - one of the dads went in there and pulled a gun a while back
woman says
... and it's a bit stabby too, there was that argument between the mothers - one of them got her scissors out of her bag and stabbed the other one in the forehead
The man says
I think so ... but I hear it's a bit shooty - one of the dads went in there and pulled a gun a while back
woman says
... and it's a bit stabby too, there was that argument between the mothers - one of them got her scissors out of her bag and stabbed the other one in the forehead
Saturday, September 27
In the spare room
The duvet is naked and curled over the end of the bed
it is marbled with an unpleasant grey pattern
Doglady sees me looking at it
I know that looks bad but it's not mildew ... it's fire
??
the last person sleeping there set fire to herself
it is marbled with an unpleasant grey pattern
Doglady sees me looking at it
I know that looks bad but it's not mildew ... it's fire
??
the last person sleeping there set fire to herself
Friday, September 26
I answered one of the small ads
not the one that involved a dachshund with a jacuzzi and pool table in Cairo but one that involved a lady with a dog in London
I arrive at the House of Astonishing Things just before Doglady leaves for her holiday - the house is covered with lots of little notes for me but they are difficult to notice because of all the astonishing things that keep filling my eyes.
Her holiday outfit is a pink velour pant suit and she carries a tiny parachute silk holdall - she is holding out a big canvas tent-like thing
she makes a fanfare
TA DAAAHH!
and like the Great Splendido she swirls the heavy tent-thing onto her body and becomes enormous.
She pats the lumps that are all round her back and front and recites:
suncream
maps
shoes
sandals
hairbrush
deodrant
camera
reading glasses
sunglasses
books-my-god-they-shouldn't-complain-about people-who-take-books-on-holiday-do-they-want illiterate-clients?
guidebooks
dictionary
she is triumphant!
Here's a thing
The man has been in France with a lady who makes enormous dinners and keeps dozens of dogs and who first noticed the luminous earthworms 3 years ago. Thinking this to be interesting, she told some French scientists - boy did they laugh.
Madame you 'ave no penis - it is not possible that you make observations - go back to your kitchen
and drink less absynthe
The luminous-worm story was repeated among the scientists to illustrate the stupidity of women until it filtered through to someone who did go and visit the lady and the worms who then set about finding someone with a luminosity-filming camera ...
this is just the beginning of a story
POSTSCRIPT
Sir David Attenborough was so excited by this and other intriguing bioluminescence stories that he agreed to present the Man's film which is called David Attenborough's Life that Glows in the UK and David Attenborough's Light on Earth elsewhere
The programme started airing in May 2016 Here's a link to a site with a trailer
Madame you 'ave no penis - it is not possible that you make observations - go back to your kitchen
and drink less absynthe
The luminous-worm story was repeated among the scientists to illustrate the stupidity of women until it filtered through to someone who did go and visit the lady and the worms who then set about finding someone with a luminosity-filming camera ...
this is just the beginning of a story
POSTSCRIPT
Sir David Attenborough was so excited by this and other intriguing bioluminescence stories that he agreed to present the Man's film which is called David Attenborough's Life that Glows in the UK and David Attenborough's Light on Earth elsewhere
The programme started airing in May 2016 Here's a link to a site with a trailer
Labels:
bioluminescence,
celebrities,
david attenborough,
filming
Tuesday, September 23
I've just read this
According to a study published Thursday in the journal Cell, scientists have developed a chemical treatment that turns lab mice transparent … It takes roughly two days to make a mouse’s organs transparent and one week more to make a mouse fully see-through.
—Newsweek
and then I read this
If you can't be bothered to click through I'll just give you the end bit
The transparent mice are part of a project that would make the entire human brain see-through.
The Man Is Filming Luminous French Worms
In France
it has to be done at night
He calls me and complains that his French hosts make him eat an enormous French supper before he goes out to do this.
it has to be done at night
He calls me and complains that his French hosts make him eat an enormous French supper before he goes out to do this.
I'm still checking the small ads
this is today's favourite
Pet Sitter needed for our Dachshund for 10 Days in Cairo, Egypt - Pool Table and Jacuzzi Included!
Monday, September 22
Today at the Brain Doctor's
the doorbell stopped working again - I tore it from the wall and shouted at it but it was no use
a surprising number of patients who visit have only one good eye
today a new patient parked a few metres down the road then phoned to say she couldn't find the surgery. I said stay where you are I'll come and get you but she moved and we ended up chasing each other round the block. I completed the circuit to see her standing at the bell-less door waving at me
Tuesday, September 16
I'm in a book
Women in Clothes by Sheila Heti, Heidi Julavits, Leanne Shapton and 639 Others
I love it that in a book about clothes my contribution is about nudity
Monday, September 15
Sunday, September 14
Today there was a sunflower competition
at the top of the hill
Back in May, three seeds were delivered in an envelope to everyone in the neighbourhood with a note attached
THESE SEEDS HAVE BEEN DONATED BY THE LOCAL PLANT SHOP
ON 14TH SPETMBER THERE WILL BE A SUNFLOWER COMPETITION AT THE TOP OF THE HILL
THE PRIZE-WINNING CATEGORIES WILL BE AS FOLLOWS:
BRIGHTEST SUNFLOWER
BIGGEST SUNFLOWER
BEST-DRESSED SUNFLOWER
MOST MELANCHOLY SUNFLOWER
I sowed these and as many other sunflower seeds as I could find. This last month sunflowers have been blooming and fading and the house is now surrounded by crusty vegetable shower heads. Of the seeds that arrived through the letterbox two survived, on Friday they bloomed huge and tall and beautiful and leaning on each other for support - I didn't have the heart to chop the biggest away so I just took the thought of my flowers up the hill.
We brought food and there were sack races and racing toy cars and a tug o war. A flower in a purple wig won the best-dressed section and a man came round the corner pushing a wheelbarrow overflowing with a stalk the size of a lap-dancing pole, his two children carried a decaying flower which was bigger than their two heads combined
Back in May, three seeds were delivered in an envelope to everyone in the neighbourhood with a note attached
THESE SEEDS HAVE BEEN DONATED BY THE LOCAL PLANT SHOP
ON 14TH SPETMBER THERE WILL BE A SUNFLOWER COMPETITION AT THE TOP OF THE HILL
THE PRIZE-WINNING CATEGORIES WILL BE AS FOLLOWS:
BRIGHTEST SUNFLOWER
BIGGEST SUNFLOWER
BEST-DRESSED SUNFLOWER
MOST MELANCHOLY SUNFLOWER
I sowed these and as many other sunflower seeds as I could find. This last month sunflowers have been blooming and fading and the house is now surrounded by crusty vegetable shower heads. Of the seeds that arrived through the letterbox two survived, on Friday they bloomed huge and tall and beautiful and leaning on each other for support - I didn't have the heart to chop the biggest away so I just took the thought of my flowers up the hill.
We brought food and there were sack races and racing toy cars and a tug o war. A flower in a purple wig won the best-dressed section and a man came round the corner pushing a wheelbarrow overflowing with a stalk the size of a lap-dancing pole, his two children carried a decaying flower which was bigger than their two heads combined
Thursday, September 11
The Brain Doctor
operates from very low-rent premises, there is no technology, no card machine, no computer - the record-keeping system is made of paper and paper clips and pencils
he charges very little for his services and people pay as they go - cash or cheque only
today a patient had his treatment and then ran off without paying - he literally ran out of the door so I couldn't catch him
I picked up the piece of paper with his contact details on
and they are all made up
this has never happened before
he charges very little for his services and people pay as they go - cash or cheque only
today a patient had his treatment and then ran off without paying - he literally ran out of the door so I couldn't catch him
I picked up the piece of paper with his contact details on
and they are all made up
this has never happened before
Monday, September 8
Friday, September 5
seems like I've been in dental dread
forever,
I can't remember when I wasn't eating painkillers.
I did go to see the dentist last Tuesday, arriving early to sit among the magazines in that shrunken scared way of someone who knows something bad is going to happen.
after a long chat with the receptionist the dentist showed me into the surgery
the dentist then spent ten minutes telling me about her overloaded schedule - finally she looked in my mouth but she was out of time and said she'd have to do the work over her lunch break today.
Wednesday, September 3
Found some metres of this
in a charity shop - I think it's the dogs
and now I know how to finish decorating the bedroom - it involves a GOLD ceiling
it's going to be F.A.B
Monday, September 1
Tempting...
today someone posted a notice asking for live-in help around the house, no pay but you get to stay there for free ...
It needs much work and I have limited funds. My wife left me about 7 years ago, after 25 years of marriage. She liked being a housewife, but said she had no feelings for me. I disdain housework and I'm not much at remodeling ... I'm not too demanding- but I don't have pets ( except Goldfish ) , a fence, or allow them in the house. I also can't stand people smoking- anything. I've been a health nut for many years- but don't mind others eating what they want. I don't drink alcohol or take other drugs. I'm an easy going Christian gentleman.
It needs much work and I have limited funds. My wife left me about 7 years ago, after 25 years of marriage. She liked being a housewife, but said she had no feelings for me. I disdain housework and I'm not much at remodeling ... I'm not too demanding- but I don't have pets ( except Goldfish ) , a fence, or allow them in the house. I also can't stand people smoking- anything. I've been a health nut for many years- but don't mind others eating what they want. I don't drink alcohol or take other drugs. I'm an easy going Christian gentleman.
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